Posts in Set Clear Boundaries
Time to Rethink Quiet Politeness

Can you think of a time when you felt reluctant to agree with someone, uncomfortable with something happening right in front of you, or somehow taken advantage of – and yet you bit your tongue and went with the flow, to keep the peace? I’ll bet you can. I know I can. In fact, a recent one jumps to mind immediately, and it’s remarkably ordinary.

Read More
Compromising, Without Compromising Ourselves

We’ve heard it, we’ve learned it, we’ve lived it: compromise is one of those necessary building blocks at the core of every healthy relationship. Whether we’re talking about resolving a literal conflict, or something slightly gentler like joint decision-making, compromise is the thing that makes room for a true sense of balance and shared voice to take root in a partnership. Luckily, us natural softies are hardwired for empathy, compassion, and helping – all of which are key pieces of the compromise equation. But as we all know, navigating the waters of compromise while maintaining a sense of equilibrium and avoiding resentment isn’t always as straightforward as it seems.

Read More
How Boundaries Create Freedom and Ease

Last month, I had an entire weekend completely and totally to myself. My guy was out of town, I had no plans, and zero obligations all weekend. Every now and again I relish having a weekend like that, for the chance to go full-introvert and reboot. I love the feeling of having unlimited time to tackle whatever I feel called to. I always imagine myself striking that perfect balance of Indulgent and Productive: crossing a thousand things off my to-do list, making myself amazing meals in my sparkling clean kitchen, squeezing in a manicure in between rearranging my furniture and finishing that novel on my nightstand. I’ll be a beacon of productivity! I tell myself.

But total freedom never quite feels – or works out – the way I imagine it will.

Read More
Showing Compassion Doesn't Require Rescuing Anyone

I can’t be the only one who, in a tense conversation, has desperately wished the other person’s thoughts would just appear above their head in a little cartoony bubble.

For being such an important part of building thriving, healthy relationships, communication sure is a muddy skill to master. First, there’s the challenge of articulating our piece – finding the right words, sharing them in the right tone, and putting both through the right filters to make sure we’re approaching the situation with focus and sensitivity. Then on top of that, we also have to master the art of being on the receiving end of the dialogue – how to really listen, how to relate to and make sense of new information, and how to frame our responses.

Read More
It Can Make Sense, and Still Not Be Right for You

One of the greatest strengths of being a deep feeler is the ability to keenly understand other people’s experiences and points of view.

As natural feelers, we can imagine what it’s like to experience what someone else is going through, which enriches our ability to connect with them in a meaningful way.  We can see ourselves in a stranger’s story, and take on the weight of their feelings in a way that’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t naturally do the same. We can start to dismantle the wall that separates us from them.

Read More
Reframing "No" as a Force for Good

I was thinking recently about what it feels like to tap into that inner well of strength we all have, for the first time.

I was remembering how it feels to be in those early stages of figuring out how to make space for the things we want, to unearth and stand by our boundaries, and to be fierce advocates for our own happiness and well being. It’s such a liberating feeling! And particularly for those of us who have spent years unknowingly training ourselves to put harmony in our relationships ahead of our own real wants and needs, it’s a pretty life-altering shift to make.But through another lens, that same ultra-liberating shift can feel distinctly negative at first.  

Read More
Dare to Embrace Your Inflexible Framework

It can be so tempting to go with the flow, can’t it? I think it’s why we get so comfortable throwing around, “I’m good with whatever” and “oh I don’t care, you pick” in our relationships. We don’t want to feel demanding, or needy, or high maintenance – so much so, that it can almost feel like a relief when someone else takes the wheel, and all we have to do is jump in the passenger seat. It’s a low pressure job, right?

I think some of that compulsion to not rock the boat comes from being the kind of person who loves the feeling of harmony – but it’s also a product of the world we live in.

Read More