Posts tagged Boundaries
Is It a Chance to Grow, or a Hard ‘No’?

I say this all the time, and anyone who knows me well will recognize it: for me, there’s no worse feeling in the world than ‘stuck in a place I don’t want to be, with no way out.’ It’s why I hesitate to say ‘yes’ to new, unfamiliar things I haven’t vetted first; it’s why I like to map out plans ahead of time, and mitigate the risk of getting caught off guard; and it’s why I absolutely hate feeling pressured to do something, when I can feel myself resisting it. But like most people, I’ve also learned that venturing out into new, unfamiliar situations can be a great way to stretch and grow as a person.

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How Boundaries Create Freedom and Ease

Last month, I had an entire weekend completely and totally to myself. My guy was out of town, I had no plans, and zero obligations all weekend. Every now and again I relish having a weekend like that, for the chance to go full-introvert and reboot. I love the feeling of having unlimited time to tackle whatever I feel called to. I always imagine myself striking that perfect balance of Indulgent and Productive: crossing a thousand things off my to-do list, making myself amazing meals in my sparkling clean kitchen, squeezing in a manicure in between rearranging my furniture and finishing that novel on my nightstand. I’ll be a beacon of productivity! I tell myself.

But total freedom never quite feels – or works out – the way I imagine it will.

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Showing Compassion Doesn't Require Rescuing Anyone

I can’t be the only one who, in a tense conversation, has desperately wished the other person’s thoughts would just appear above their head in a little cartoony bubble.

For being such an important part of building thriving, healthy relationships, communication sure is a muddy skill to master. First, there’s the challenge of articulating our piece – finding the right words, sharing them in the right tone, and putting both through the right filters to make sure we’re approaching the situation with focus and sensitivity. Then on top of that, we also have to master the art of being on the receiving end of the dialogue – how to really listen, how to relate to and make sense of new information, and how to frame our responses.

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Reframing "No" as a Force for Good

I was thinking recently about what it feels like to tap into that inner well of strength we all have, for the first time.

I was remembering how it feels to be in those early stages of figuring out how to make space for the things we want, to unearth and stand by our boundaries, and to be fierce advocates for our own happiness and well being. It’s such a liberating feeling! And particularly for those of us who have spent years unknowingly training ourselves to put harmony in our relationships ahead of our own real wants and needs, it’s a pretty life-altering shift to make.But through another lens, that same ultra-liberating shift can feel distinctly negative at first.  

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